If I received a nickle for every time I heard this …….
Through out the years, I have learned about trusting the process – a common saying from Carmel Joy Baird. Everything happens for a reason and we need to trust that its all happening for our greatest good. I’ve had a difficult time with this lesson as I’m typically the person that likes to be in control of whats happening in my life.
Over the years, I was able to trust the process when it came to day to day things. I learned how to re-train my brain. I began to understand why certain events in my life happened; why it unfolded the way it did. Although, there was still one aspect of my life that has been giving me the ultimate test …….
Those who know me, know that I have been having difficulty finding a life partner. I went through this healing journey where I had to be true to myself by coming to terms with my sexuality and learning to love myself. As the old saying goes “how can you love someone else, when you do not love yourself?”
Being a medium is a very rewarding gift and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but sometimes it can be a blessing and a curse.
Around 4 years ago, when I first started connecting with Spirit – something unexpected happened. I was given some insight into what I didn’t expect. I was told that I was going to be in a relationship with someone that I knew. It took me by surprise because I didn’t believe it. I had a crush on him, but that was nothing. Little did I know the strong connection between us.
Its been an emotional roller coaster.
I spent the past 4 years where I would have serious panic and anxiety attacks – ones where I was unable to get out of bed. I would have days where I would just sit and cry in silence. I would constantly be receiving messages from Spirit. Some days, I felt my head would explode.
I spent years trying to meet other people. It always seemed to never work out. Everything seem to point right back to him. Its frustrating. I’ve been through an array of emotions – angry, sad, excited, bitter, etc.
There were times where I just couldn’t take anymore and fell on my knees crying out to God. Asking God for his strength, love, guidance, and patience with this situation. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I remember thinking – why am I not lovable? Why can’t I find someone to share my life with? What’s wrong with me? Why is it taking so long? When is it ever going to be enough? How much more improving do I need to do before its enough? Why are you telling me we are meant to be together and nothing is happening?
Reflecting back on the past few years, I feel that I have learned a lot. Slowly, I am starting to understand the delays.
We’ve had our conversations and disagreements. I can honestly say that he broke my heart. Do not get me wrong, I take responsibility for my actions and what role I played – I am not perfect. I use to kick myself because I felt that I should have done things differently and maybe there would have been a different outcome. I know now that everything happens for a reason and that it was meant to happen the way that it did.
It’s difficult when Spirit gives you insight into something so beautiful and so pure, but your standing in front of someone that says the feeling isn’t mutual; even though your inner knowing tells you its not true.
He has taught me so much. I feel that I have learned about unconditional love with him. Its like I’ve put on “Jesus” glasses as I like to say. Sometimes things aren’t always what they seem. There may be a reason why someone may act a certain way or do certain things. Even though I’ve been hurt, I don’t hold anything against him.
He’s taught me patience.
He’s taught me to love myself.
He’s helped me regain my faith with God.
He’s helped me learn about myself.
He’s taught me my worth.
And so much more.
I’ve never felt so much love for someone before. I care so much for him. We are currently not speaking. I do not know what is going to happen between us. If its meant to be, it will be. I need to put my trust and faith in God. He has a plan.
I will never regret every single tear that poured down my cheek because I know that each tear is leading me to where I need to be.
I would like to thank him for being my teacher. I wish he knew how much I truly love and care for him.
Trust the process.